Beyond the Diet Mentality: Helping Clients Through Attuned Eating

This month’s article is written by Judith Matz, LCSW, co-author of The Diet Survivor’s Handbook: 60 Lessons in Eating, Acceptance and Self-Care and Beyond a Shadow of a Diet: The Therapist’s Guide to Treating Compulsive Eating.  I came across this article in the latest issue of Psychotherapy Networker, a magazine geared toward what’s new in the world of psychotherapy.  Aside from my obvious professional interest in the article, I was impressed with how clearly Judith outlines what it is exactly we do as therapists working with people who struggle with yo-yo dieting and emotional eating.  Although this article is written by a professional for professionals, I think it comes across as quite accessible and will demystify the whole process of how therapy and coaching can help you overcome your struggle with food.  Judith’s website can be found at www.dietsurvivors.com. 

Q: Many of my clients struggle with food and weight problems. I’ve helped them look at the emotional issues behind their overeating, but it doesn’t always help. What else can you recommend?

A: When I began treating clients with eating problems, I believed that once they understood the emotional triggers behind their overeating, their compulsion to reach for food would decrease--which in turn would lead to weight loss. Instead, I discovered that, although they could resolve issues around depression, anxiety, relationships, work, and self-esteem, conflicts with food and weight usually remained. In the early 1990s, after witnessing the failure of most diet programs, I learned a nondiet approach to treating compulsive eating, one that has enabled me to intervene directly in the diet-and-binge cycle and help my clients make peace with food, their bodies, and themselves.

In our culture, dieting is seen as the primary way to control eating and feel better about one’s body. It’s often viewed as a means of self-care--the route to happiness, success, and greater self-esteem. Statistics, however, tell us that diets don’t work in the long run. Virtually every diet leads to short-term weight loss, but research shows that 95 to 98 percent of dieters will gain back the lost pounds, and about 66 percent of those people will end up heavier than they were before they started dieting. People who diet are eight times as likely to develop an eating disorder, are at higher risk for disease as the result of weight cycling, and have higher rates of depression and lower self-esteem. Thus, while dieting may seem like good self-care, it’s actually hazardous to our clients’ physical and mental well-being.

The Root Causes of Overeating

According to the nondiet philosophy, the major causes of overeating are deprivation caused by diets and the use of food to manage feelings. When a new client comes to me, she’ll often be aware that there’s an emotional aspect to her overeating. Most of my clients express deep concern over the weight gain that accompanies their overeating. Most are eager to figure out how to control their food intake. I start by helping them understand how they’re translating the language of feelings to the language of food and fat. I explain that, even though it may seem that they’re eating because they feel sad, angry, lonely, bored, or even happy, it isn’t actually the feeling itself that leads to the desire to eat. Rather, it’s the inability to sit with a feeling that triggers the need to reach for food.

Take the case of Julia (ed. note: not me!), who’s had a difficult day at work. Her boss just gave her a new assignment, which requires a large commitment of time. She already feels overwhelmed by the work that several other people in the office have asked her to do. However, she doesn’t want to undermine her chances for promotion, so she agrees to take the project on.

When Julia arrives home, she heads straight for the kitchen. She eats a bag of potato chips, followed by half a box of cookies. As she eats, she begins to reprimand herself. “You slob! Your stomach is getting so big, and here you are out of control again. No wonder your pants are too tight! No wonder everyone treats you so badly! Look how you treat yourself. You’re too fat, and you have to do something about it now! You’d better go back on your diet and get this under control.”

Julia has just made a translation from the language of feelings to the language of food and fat. When her boss gave her a new assignment, she felt angry. She believed she was being treated unfairly, but she was unable to speak up for herself. However, it wasn’t her anger that led to her overeating: it was her inability to tolerate the anger. Reaching for food at that moment was an attempt to calm herself, because her anger was unacceptable to her. She may have had a clue that she was upset, but she couldn’t handle her emotions. Or like other compulsive eaters, she may have found herself eating, but had no idea what was bothering her, or even that something was bothering her.

As I discuss with my clients the process of avoiding feelings through food, I urge them to become compassionate with themselves. When they reach for food to manage feelings, they’re trying to help themselves in a time of distress--which is a positive action. Nevertheless, it’s the wrong solution to their difficulties, just as rubbing ice cream on a cut knee would be. As they stop castigating themselves, they find that the bingeing decreases. They learn to say to themselves instead, “I’m reaching for food, and I’m not hungry. Something must be bothering me right now, and this is the best way I have to deal with it. I look forward to the day when I no longer need to do that.”

Learning Attuned Eating

The next step is for clients to learn how to normalize their eating--a step that must take place for them to be able to end their emotional reliance on food. First, they must stop dieting, since the deprivation caused by eliminating or restricting foods only increases overeating. I’ll ask my clients to consider the following question: if you were told that, starting tomorrow, you could no longer eat ice cream, what would you do today? Clients typically say that they’d eat a lot of ice cream today, whether they were hungry for it or not. I encourage them to get rid of the notions of “good” and “bad” foods--a daunting task in our culture!--and learn instead to become attuned eaters.

Attuned eating (also called intuitive, mindful, and normal eating) teaches clients to listen to their internal cues for hunger and satiation. By honoring their hunger, clients become able to “match” what food would feel just right in their bodies at a particular moment. They notice that they’re just as off base if they eat a salad when they crave a cookie as they are when they eat a cookie when they’re actually hungry for a salad. In this way, they realize that their bodies need a wide variety of foods. They discover that when they eat exactly what they’re hungry for when they’re hungry, they feel satisfied. This feeling of satisfaction ultimately allows them to stop when they’re full.

In using this approach, I make sure that clients understand that this is a process that will take time. The goal isn’t to control their eating by deciding that they can now eat only when physically hungry; I explain to them that if they could do that just by hearing these ideas, they wouldn’t be compulsive eaters. Rather, their objective is to pay attention to the difference between physical (stomach) hunger and psychological (mouth) hunger.

As clients begin to collect stomach-hunger experiences--eating when hungry, eating exactly what they’re hungry for, and stopping when full--they find that this way of eating is much more satisfying, both physically and psychologically, than eating what they “should” eat in response to external rules and then breaking out of all the restraints. They develop a consistent framework for eating what strengthens their internal selves and places them in a strong position to experience feelings that make them uncomfortable. In fact, it’s only when clients find that most of their eating is now out of physiological hunger, that they no longer have “forbidden” foods to reprimand themselves about, and that much of their negative dialog about food has been replaced by compassion that they’re in a strong position to end their reliance on food to manage emotions.

I help my clients identify what’s really bothering them by encouraging them to ask the following question when they notice mouth hunger: “I’m reaching for food, and I’m not physically hungry. I wonder what I might think about or feel if I didn’t eat right now.” Clients will eventually find that when they try to turn to food for comfort, it no longer works! I refer to this moment as “the good news and the bad news.” While my clients no longer eat compulsively, they must deal directly with their issues instead. But, of course, this is really a wonderful step, since clients now feel they’re in charge of their eating and can face their real problems. I emphasize that when weight loss occurs, it’s a side effect of their new relationship with food and not the main event. I spend time teaching my clients about positive body image and size diversity: that people naturally come in different shapes and sizes. I find it helpful to remind them that even if we all ate the same things and maintained the same exercise program, we wouldn’t weigh the same amount.

As clients discover how to cure compulsive eating, rather than control it, they take the first steps along the way to physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Energy freed up from a preoccupation with food and weight can be channeled into more productive endeavors, including relationships, work, hobbies, and good self-care. Learning to tune in to needs related to physical hunger leads to an ability to recognize and respond to other kinds of psychological hungers. Taking pleasure in food and one’s body leads to a fuller, more satisfying life. These benefits will empower your clients, and they may empower you.

Judith Matz, L.C.S.W., the director of The Chicago Center for Overcoming Overeating, has treated eating and weight issues for more than 25 years. She’s the coauthor of Beyond a Shadow of a Diet: The Therapist’s Guide to Treating Compulsive Eating and The Diet Survivor’s Handbook.

Top 10 Barriers to Self-Growth

Change can be scary as we feel new things, entertain different thoughts, perhaps leave old ways behind. Often, resistance to change can rear its ugly head whenever our egos feel threatened by some change in the status quo.  This resistance can take many forms, and is sometimes difficult to recognize in ourselves.  Here are 10 obstacles that can hinder self-growth.

1. Denial. It’s difficult to grow when you don’t see the need. Listen to the quiet voice inside and to what your loved ones are saying. Get the support you need to see the truth, because ultimately it’s the truth that will set you free.

2. Seeing yourself as a victim. If you’re always one-down, you can’t become the empowered person you are meant to be.  Staying trapped as a victim robs you of the opportunity to take charge and change how you react to a situation.

3. Substance abuse. Whether you’re self-medicating with food or alcohol, or seeking escape, the problems just don’t go away without the willingness to face them.  In fact, the problem only gets worse, because a new problem is created--like excess weight, or addiction--that takes the focus away from the root cause.

4. Self-loathing. Nothing banishes self-hatred faster than self-care. Choose in any moment the kindest path.  If a friend came to you with the same problem, what advice would you give her?  Use the same advice for yourself, and do it with love.

5. Blame. If we always point the finger at one another, we never see our own role.  Be willing to take responsibility for your part in contributing to the problem.

6. Defensiveness. This is a racket we swing against anything that suggests we might be at fault. Try to see “faults” as opportunities to grow.

7. Fear. Acknowledge the frightened parts of yourself, praise your courage, and be gentle.  Fear is a natural response to change; see it as a rite of passage!

8. Rage. Rage is a call for attention to our triggers, but sometimes we get stuck there. Accepting and working creatively with the feelings can help free you, as can understanding which needs aren’t being met that trigger the rage.

9. Busyness. Constantly moving allows no time for the reflection that lays the foundation for self-growth.  It also gives the false impression that you are “doing something about it” without actually taking purposeful action.

10. Unwillingness to admit error. As with defensiveness, if we stop judging “error” as wrong, an ever-expanding life awaits.

Author’s content used under license, (c) 2008 Claire Communications

The Importance of Self-Love

The legend of Narcissus tells of a young boy who, upon seeing his reflection in a clear fountain with water like silver, fell hopelessly in love with himself. Unable to tear his gaze away from his reflection, he could not eat, could not sleep, until finally, he pined away and died.

Unfortunately, the myth of Narcissus is too often our concept of self-love. We believe that if we love ourselves, we are selfish and self-centered, that falling in love with self means conceit and self-absorption. In fact, the opposite is true. Self-love is an honoring of the self that requires a high degree of independence and courage. The love we give others will be enhanced by the love we give ourselves.

The Problem with not Loving Yourself

A lack of self-love is a sign of low self-esteem or self-worth and shows its face in many ways: a refusal to enjoy life, workaholism, perfectionism, procrastination, emotional eating, guilt, and shame. Those who lack self-love avoid commitments, stay in destructive relationships, and fail to experience true intimacy with anyone. They practice negative self-talk, compare themselves with others, compete with others, caretake others and fail to take care of themselves. Unlike Narcissus, when they look in a mirror, they turn away.

The primary difference in those who practice self-love and those who don’t is their belief about themselves. “Of all the judgments that we pass in life, none is as important as the one we pass on ourselves, for that judgment touches the very center of our existence,” said Nathaniel Branden in his book on self-esteem, “Honoring the Self.”

The Gift of Self-Love

Unable to love ourselves, we are our own harshest critics, fault finders, nay-sayers and naggers. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “No one can do to me what I have not already done to myself.” And just the opposite is true, too. We can be our own heroes, nurturers, lovers and champions.

Acting from authentic self-love, people are gentle, attentive and kind to themselves. They develop their gifts and talents and live according to the values and standards they have set for themselves. Theirs is a beauty that shines from within; they laugh readily and are at ease in the world. Theirs is not a conceit, but a sureness of self. “To honor the self,” Branden said, “is to be in love with our own life, in love with our possibilities for growth and for experiencing joy, in love with the process of discovery and exploring our distinctively human potentialities.”

So to answer the question, “What does self-love have to do with it?”

Everything.

Author’s content used under license, (c) 2008 Claire Communications

15 Tips for Holiday Eating Without Weight Gain

by Michelle May, M.D.

Do you anticipate the holidays but dread the “inevitable” holiday weight gain? Do your holiday events revolve around eating more than the meaning, people, presents, decorations, or travel?

Avoiding holiday weight gain and eating healthy during the holidays can be a real challenge unless you have a great strategy.  These 15 holiday eating tips will help you avoid holiday weight gain and enjoy the season more while eating less.

1.  It is easier to get distracted from signals of physical hunger and satiety at social gatherings, especially if food is the main event. Make an effort to pay close attention to your body’s signals.

2.  Be a food snob. Skip the store-bought goodies, the dried-out fudge and the so-so stuffing. If the food you select doesn’t taste as good as you expected, stop eating it and choose something else. Think of how much less you’d eat if you only ate things that tasted fabulous!

3.  Think of your appetite as an expense account. How much do you want to spend on appetizers or the entree? Do you want to save some room for dessert? Go through this process mentally to avoid eating too much food and feeling uncomfortable for the rest of the evening.

4.  Pace your eating prior to the event so you’ll be hungry but not famished at mealtime. But please, ignore the old diet advice of “eat before you go to a party so you won’t be tempted.” That is absurd! You want to be hungry enough to enjoy your favorites.

5.  Socialize away from the sight of the food. People who tend to overeat are “food suggestible” so just hanging around food causes them to eat more than they need.

6.  Survey all of the food at a buffet before making your choices. Choose the foods that you really want most at that time and remind yourself that you can have the other foods at a later time.

7.  If the food is so special, give it your full attention rather than eating on autopilot. Eat mindfully by reducing distractions and sitting down to eat - even if it’s just a cookie. Appreciate the appearance and aroma of your food and savor one small bite at a time by putting your fork down. You’ll eat less food but enjoy it more.

8.  If the food doesn’t taste as good as you expected, stop eating it and choose something else.

9.  Since the duration of the meal tends to be extended at social events, you may need to have your plate taken away (or put your napkin on it) once you are satisfied to avoid nibbling unconsciously.

10. Be aware of the effects of alcohol on your food intake. And don’t forget that many beverages contain calories too.

11. Be cautious of “obligatory eating” - avoid eating just because it is on the table, on your plate, because you paid for it, it’s free, or because someone made it. Deal with Food Pushers with a polite but firm, “No thank you.” If you’re concerned about hurting their feelings, ask for the recipe or a small portion to take home with you for another meal.

12. It’s common to have candy and snacks lying all over the place this time of year. Avoid indulging in food just because it’s there. Grazing unconsciously leads to extra calories that you probably won’t even remember enjoying.

13. Before having a cookie, a piece of fudge or other holiday treat that was laid in the break room, check your hunger level. If you’re hungry and you choose a favorite food to satisfy you, remember to sit down and eat it mindfully - no guilt.

14. At restaurants, the portion sizes are usually huge - almost always “two for the price of one.” Request appetizer portions, co-order and co-eat with your dining partner, or have the server package up your meal to go as soon as you feel satisfied. Remember, “super-size” is no bargain if you didn’t need that much food in the first place!

15. Look for opportunities for physical activity - take a walk after dinner to enjoy the lights, take a few laps around the mall before it opens to do some window shopping or take guests to local attractions.

Most importantly, delight all of your senses.  Enjoy the company, the atmosphere, the entertainment, and the traditions as much, if not more, than the food.

The Mind-Body Connection

“I think; therefore I am” - we’ve all heard this powerful quote by Descartes. But how many of us stop to think about what it actually means?  Is it possible not only that our thoughts are who we “are” inside our minds, but can actually influence who we “are” in our bodies as well?  And if so, should we be paying closer attention to what our minds, and bodies, are trying to tell us?  This month’s article focuses on how the body and mind are connected, and, some might say, inseparable.

Somatization

Just today a client came in describing an unpleasant odor she came across while on the bus (N.B.: I had her permission to share this anecdote).  The more she thought about feeling nauseous, the more nauseous she felt. She was surprised at how easily she became nauseous just by thinking about it.  And while relating this story to me, she made the powerful insight that if it was so easy for something as physical as nausea to be evoked by her mind, imagine what else she might be experiencing needlessly by over-focusing on it.  This is a great example of the mind-body connection.

A more extreme version of this is somatization, or the expression of emotional/psychological issues through the body. Psychosomatic conditions present real, measurable physical symptoms, yet they are not entirely the result of a physical problem. Although the symptoms and experiences are caused by the “mind,” the symptoms are in fact quite real, not “imagined.”

Typical psychosomatic symptoms include:

* Getting (and staying) sick while under high levels of stress
* Stomach aches before giving a presentation
* Rashes that break out in response to emotional abandonment
* Aches and pains when feeling tense or anxious
* Bladder infections when angry
* Gastro-intestinal problems that act up when upset

Often pre-existing medical conditions are worsened during times of high stress or anxiety. If left untreated, unaddressed and unexamined, these physical responses can become chronic and have a damaging impact on your health, even leading to life-threatening illnesses like diabetes, heart disease or cancer.

What’s Your Body Trying to Say?

Somatization is a problem and source of frustration for both physicians and patients alike, as the cause is often not readily apparent nor easily treatable.  However, I see psychosomatic symptoms in a much more positive light: once a physical cause is ruled out, there is a wonderful opportunity to listen to what the body is trying to say.

These conditions are being caused by emotional problems that aren’t getting addressed. In turn, the body creates an “alarm signal” to get you to pay attention.  What that signal is, and what it signifies, is up to you to figure out. However, in my experience, there is often a symbolic link between the symptom and the emotional issue; for example, a “burning” infection can often be the body’s way of expressing angry feelings that have no verbal outlet.

Emotional Eating

We’ve all heard the expression “You are what you eat.” On a physical level, our food intake contributes to the health of our heart, our cellular structure, and our overall energy level.  However, on an emotional level, what we choose to eat and why can translate into poor health, excess weight and using food for comfort and to numb pain.

In my work, I always explore what the meaning of food and excess weight is to my clients.  This struggle can be an expression of:

* Feelings of inadequacy
* Unresolved issues from the past
* Depression
* Loss
* A protective barrier against sexuality
* Family of origin issues

Emotional eating is not hard to identify - but it is hard to admit. If you have resolved that you are comfort eating, diets generally will not help. What WILL work is to heal the underlying issues that are causing the excessive eating and thus the excessive pounds.  It’s important to remember that the total well-being of a person requires that attention be paid to the physical and emotional side of things - the two are not separable.

How to Be a Food Snob

I’ll never forget the day I figured out I was a food snob. There I was, sitting in a graduate seminar chatting with a colleague, when she pulled out a granola bar that looked interesting.  I said, “Wow, I’ve never seen that kind before, but then again I never buy granola bars.” And when she replied, “Of course you don’t, you’re a total food snob!”, I was taken aback.  Was this an insult? After a few seconds, I thought, “Yes, yes I am a food snob!” and thanked her for her compliment.

What is a Food Snob?

What the heck is a food snob, you might ask, and why should you be proud to be one? Good question!  A food snob is someone who has an epicurean zeal for high quality, fresh and fancy food.

Here are some of the traits and behaviour patterns of a food snob:

* They prefer to buy their food from specialty shops; bread from bakeries, meat from butcher shops, and nuts and grains from bulk food stores.

* When in a suburban-style mega-grocery store, they mostly avoid the centre aisles, opting instead for fresh produce and dairy.

* They don’t buy things that come in crinkly bags or brightly coloured boxes with cartoon characters on them.

* Whatever they do buy from centre aisles has to be imported from some foreign country and in a glass bottle with a fancy label, thank you very much.

* They love to visit farmer’s markets, and pick out local produce with the eye of a jeweller choosing the finest gems.

* They also love to try new things; the more exotic and unpronounceable, the better.

* When eating out, they get excited by hole-in-the-wall restaurants that serve delicious, unusual, flavourful meals made with high-quality ingredients. What they avoid are fast food and chain restaurants.  There’s something a little bit wrong about being able to get the same meal with the same taste at opposite ends of the continent.

* They take pleasure in going food shopping, taking their time to examine each fruit carefully, ponder the various merits of different kinds of cheese, and fantasize about the meals that will result from this particular trip.

* Cooking is taken to the extremes of an Olympic sport.  Hours are regularly set aside to carefully execute new recipes that result in multi-course meals.  These are most often paired with good friends and good wine.

* They opt for cooking shows over reality TV.

* New recipes passed on by family and friends can often generate a squeal of excitement.

Benefits of Being a Food Snob

There are LOTS of benefits to being a food snob. Here are a few:

* You feel fancy. Feel free to don designer sunglasses and a silk scarf to go shopping with your straw bag (I exaggerate).

* When you buy high quality ingredients, you spend more, but you also eat less and don’t let things go to waste.  Wouldn’t you rather eat a single, hand-made decadent chocolate truffle from a specialty shop than an entire candy bar from a gas station?

* You learn to enjoy grocery shopping rather than see it as weekly (or worse, bi-monthly) excursion to a drab, concrete block of a store that also happens to sell clothing and consumer electronics.

* You support the local economy and local farmers.

* You reduce your environmental impact by trying not to buy things that are excessively packaged.

* You can feel proud to say that you don’t succumb to the advertising industry‘s dictates of what you should eat.

* You never get bored of the same old thing.

* Cooking becomes a fun, creative expression of who you are instead of a grim task to be endured.

* Fewer processed foods means a healthier, slimmer body.

* You might actually get famous if you pull a Julie & Julia.

* Most importantly, REAL pleasure is taken from food, the kind where everything is slowly savoured, fully appreciated and shared with loved ones.

Not everyone can incorporate all of these suggestions at once.  But take a good, long look at how you see food: shopping for it, cooking it and eating it.  See if you can start with a few small changes, like visiting a farmer’s market on your way home once in a while to savour seasonal goodies.  I promise, being a food snob will change your life!

The Straight Facts on Body Image

Although most of us have parts of ourselves that we don’t like ("my nose could be smaller,” “my thighs could be thinner"), for some people, dealing a negative body image is a part of daily life.  The media’s obsession with dieting, and with thin, rich celebrities, certainly contributes to the problem.  However, each of us is ultimately responsible for refusing to participate in this superficial obsession and learning to love ourselves the way we are. Read on to learn more about body image problems and how to overcome them.

What is Body Image?

The scientist in me wants to say that the true definition of body image is the brain’s representation of of the body’s sensory system and internal sense of having a body.  This internal “body image” changes as we grow, especially in childhood and adolescence.  That partly explains why teenagers can be so klutzy and awkward, because their bodies are growing faster than their brains can keep up with.

However, most of us define body image as how we evaluate ourselves. Aside from feeling like we have a body, most of us have an opinion about our bodies.  Those with a healthy body image may have a couple of areas they think need improvement, but generally, they feel good about the way they look and are able to enjoy and appreciate their bodies.  Those who struggle with their weight very often have a negative body image. They feel fat, ugly, and unloveable.  They think others judge them harshly, and they shy away from certain social situations.

In extreme cases, a person’s body image can be so distorted that it can lead to serious problems. Here, the negative self-evaluation reaches painful levels, and often there is a huge distortion in how these people see themselves.  To others, they may look just fine, but they grossly misjudge the size or attractiveness of certain parts of their bodies.  This is a cardinal feature of some psychological disorders, like Body Dysmorphic Disorder and some Eating Disorders.  These are serious problems that require professional attention, and shouldn’t be dismissed as a sign that the person is “superficial” or “conceited.”

Signs of Negative Body Image

Worried that you or someone you know might have a problem with body image?  Some of the signs are listed below:

* You constantly compare your appearance with others.
* You refuse to let your picture be taken, or are extremely self-conscious in photos.
* You keep checking a certain body part that you think is flawed (e.g., your nose or belly).
* You measure the flaw frequently (e.g., weighing yourself).
* You attempt to hide your flaws.
* You feel anxious and self-conscious around other people.
* You call yourself names: “hideous,” “ugly,” and “disgusting.”

In addition, the following are signs of Body Dysmorphic Disorder:

* You avoid leaving the house unless you absolutely have to. Body Dysmorphic Disorder limits your social and love life.
* You spend hours getting ready, often applying and reapplying makeup several times, or fixing a strand of hair that doesn’t quite go where you want it to.
* You seek frequent and repetitive cosmetic surgery, and often aren’t happy with the results.
* More frequent in men: you weight train excessively, never feeling satisfied with the size or shape of your muscles.

If you suffer from debilitating levels of negative body image, and suspect you might have Body Dysmorphic Disorder or an Eating Disorder, I strongly urge you to seek professional help. You don’t need to feel this way; there is good help available out there.

How to Feel Better About Your Body

If you think you could use some help in the body image department, there are lots of ways you can learn to love your body.  Here are a few:

* Stop watching TV (see my blog post on my decision to go this extreme route).  I have no idea what’s in the theatres, what brands are hot, and who recently gained 10 pounds, and guess what, I don’t care!  This applies to magazines and other forms of superficial media as well.
* Make a list of all the things you like about your body. Really get into it!  Undress in front of the mirror (soft lighting helps!), and look at yourself through different (more accepting, and loving) eyes.
* Get rid of the clothes that make you feel ugly.  Only wear clothes that fit you well and play up your great features.  Experiment with new styles and accessories.  A stylist can help you decide which cuts, styles and fabrics look best on your body (check my Resources page for some recommendations).
* Stop comparing yourself to others. Maybe that thin girl over there is desperately unhappy and starves herself all day to look that way.  Is that how you want to measure your self-worth?
* Rediscover the pleasure in sensual activities.  Yes, that might mean making love, but it also includes moving in ways that make you feel alive.  Dancing, yoga, and exercise all make you feel more fluid and energized.  Strength training is especially effective in helping you focus your attention mindfully on what makes your body work, leading to a greater appreciation of yourself, a feeling of strength and power, and of course, a toned and sculpted body.
* Smile at yourself every time you look in the mirror.  Hard to do at first, but works like a charm, especially right before you walk out the door!
* Pamper yourself regularly.  Use lotions and soaps that smell delicious, take lovely bubblebaths, and have a spa day (at home or not) every so often.  Do little things to make yourself feel gorgeous (paint your toenails, try a new hairdo, or put on that outfit that makes you feel great).

Remember, you can’t change the media, but you can choose what you pay attention to and how you feel about yourself.  Learn to love yourself the way you are, and be the best you can be right now. Tomorrow is another day, and today is all you’ve got!