Sex and the City and emotional eating

I finally got around to seeing the “Sex and the City” movie this weekend. And believe it or not, among those unrealistically thin bodies was a segment on emotional eating!

Turns out Samantha had been using food to avoid cheating on her boyfriend with her hot next-door neighbour; in her words, “I eat so I don’t cheat.” Although it was really just a caricature of emotional eating (the “fat” she gained was the most microscopic of bulges in her tummy), I was pleased to see that this topic is gaining mainstream attention.

This scene got me thinking, though. Often people emotionally eat to avoid emotions, but what kinds of behaviours might people be avoiding by eating?  In this case, it was doing something that was in her nature, but given her relationship status, would have been wrong. 

Are there things you wish you could be doing that you feel are somehow wrong given your situation? Do you fantasize about running away and starting a new life without all your current obligations and responsibilities?  Do you wish you could be living someone else’s life? 

It’s worth asking yourself these questions, and answering them honestly. Even if you can’t do what it is you really want to be doing (in Samantha’s case, leave her boyfriend so she could go back to her free agent ways), just admitting to yourself that you’re not that happy might do the trick.  Finding a way to change the situation, compromising it, or accepting things as they are could be the ticket to reducing your emotional eating patterns.

The power of positive affirmations

Although some of you may have heard of positive affirmations, you may not be sure exactly what they are or what they can do for you.  In a nutshell, they can be an extremely powerful tool to challenge and overcome the negative beliefs that hold you back.  In this article, I explain what positive affirmations are, why they can help you, and how to implement them in a simple 3-step plan.

How Negative Beliefs Limit You

I’d like you think about an area in your life that you are struggling with.  Perhaps you’ve been unable to progress in your career, or have been trying to lose the same 10 pounds (or more) for the last several years.  It is very likely that part of what’s holding you back is a belief system that limits you.  For example, perhaps deeps down inside you believe that you don’t deserve that promotion, or that you deserve to be thinner.

The tricky thing with negative beliefs is that we are often unaware that we have them. And because they are outside of our conscious awareness, they become all the more dangerous, sneaking their way into our thoughts.  If you truly believe that you do not deserve to be happy or healthy, then you will unwittingly sabotage yourself each time you are faced with a new opportunity for growth.  Those who have tried to diet and failed many times over know how true this can be; each new attempt to lose weight results in frustration and hopelessness.

Negative beliefs work their dark magic in three ways. First, they do not allow you to progress beyond their upper limits.  You can only be as happy or healthy as your beliefs will allow you, not more.  Second, they attract people and situations that confirm them.  If you believe that you have no control over food, then each time you overeat will simply be a confirmation of that truth.  You will also attract people who reinforce your identity as an overweight person.  Third, they lead you to discount situations or behaviours that are incompatible with the negative belief.  If you manage to lose five pounds, you’ll tell yourself it’s only a matter of time until you gain them back.

The beliefs that we hold create our realities. Therefore, to change your reality you must change your beliefs.  Positive affirmations help us to just that.

How Positive Affirmations Work

A positive affirmation is an expression of your deepest desire. It is oriented towards producing an external reality that reflects your dreams, wishes and goals.  They are designed to challenge the beliefs that limit you.

Remember having to write lines on the blackboard in elementary school when you got in trouble? (I, of course, was a perfectly behaved child so I know nothing of this.) That’s exactly how positive affirmations work.  It’s likely that your negative beliefs, wherever they came from (messages given to us by others, hard lessons we learned in life, etc.), have been repeated unconsciously over and over for years.  And to replace them, new beliefs must be repeated over and over until they become just as deeply rooted.

The beauty of positive affirmations is that they can help you uncover negative beliefs you didn’t even know you had. And until they become conscious, you can’t challenge and overcome them.  You’ll see what I mean in Step 2 below.

Putting Positive Affirmations Into Action*

Be sure to put aside at least 15 minutes for this exercise.  Go somewhere quiet where you won’t be disturbed.  You’ll need to be able to concentrate fully.

1. The first step in your positive affirmation exercise is to create the affirmation itself.  The affirmation should be about the one thing that you need in your life that you are struggling to achieve.  Some examples:

* “I am the happiest and healthiest I’ve ever been.”
* “I am bounding with energy to achieve the goals I have set for myself.”
* “I have the skills and the motivation to move up in my career.”
* “I create a relationship that fulfills and nourishes me.”

Here are some guidelines to help you create an effective affirmation:

* Use positive language ("I am slim,” not “I’m not fat")
* Use the present tense ("I am slim” not “I will be slim")
* Focus on changes in yourself, not others
* It should force you out of your comfort zone, and be slightly on the unbelievable side ("I am bounding with energy” not “I have enough energy")
* Keep it short

2. Next, pull out a piece of paper and divide it into two columns. On the left hand side, write out your positive affirmation over and over, line by line.  Concentrate fully on what you are doing.  Start listening very carefully to the little voices that pop up.  At first, you may not notice them, but you might be surprised at what comes up.  They’ll usually be saying something like, “I can’t,” “I don’t want to,” “I’ll never,” “Yes, but.” Don’t react to these voices, just observe them and write them down in the right hand column as they come up.  Continue writing out your affirmation until the page is full.

3. The third step involves challenging your negative beliefs. Turn your page over and again, divide it in two.  One by one, write out the negative beliefs that came up and deal with them using the 3 R’s:

* Refute them: be objective and try to find evidence that is counter to the belief.  For example, if “I’m too lazy to lose weight” comes up, look for other goals in your life that you aren’t too lazy to achieve.
* Replace them: write out the opposite, positive statement.  For example, “I don’t deserve to be thin” becomes “I, just like everyone else, deserve to be thin.”
* Run through them: by repeating the positive affirmation over and over, eventually your mind will get tired of protesting.

Do this exercise daily for 30 days and watch what happens. You might start noticing changes almost immediately, but to get the full effect, you must give it time and be consistent.  This really does work, but if you find it difficult to get in touch with your limiting beliefs or uncover beliefs that are disturbing to you, you may want to consider reaching out to someone that can help.

* This exercise has been adapted from Lynne Grodzki’s “Building Your Ideal Private Practice.”

Is laughter really the best medicine?

Experts Take the Benefits of Laughter Seriously

• Laughter decreases the amount of stress hormones in the body and increases the activity of natural killer cells that go after tumour cells.

By finding a way to laugh more, the natural chemicals in your brain that regulate mood will help even out your emotions, thus boosting your resistance to overeating on a physiological level too.

Try organizing a social event that centres on humour. Visit a local comedy club, go see a funny movie, or host a game night featuring fun board games like “Cranium” or “Twister.” Not only will this be good for you, but you can pass on the benefits to the people you care about, strengthening bonds and breaking the usual monotony of dinner and drinks.

Treat the water, not the fish

I came across a quote today in one of the ezines I subscribe to.

“...when you have a pet fish that’s sick, you treat the water—NOT the fish.”

-Artemis Limpert

This really struck a chord with me because so often when there’s a problem, we tend to try to fix ourselves, rather than take a look at what could be changed in our environment.  This is especially true for people to struggle with their weight - “if I’m fat, it must be my fault.” So you try to diet, fix your bad attitude, force yourself to exercise, etc., etc.  And when it doesn’t work, who gets the blame?  You do, of course.

What about trying to see what’s not working in your environment? Maybe your job is really stressful, which leads to to overeat even when you’re not hungry.  Reduce your stress level and watch your cravings diminish.  If you tend to pig out in front of the TV at night, stop buying junk food.  I don’t keep it in the house because if it’s there, I’ll eat it.  How often will you actually leave the house to go and get a bag of chips just because you feel like snacking?

Another part of your environment you might want to think about is the amount of support in your life. Make those around you aware of your efforts to lead a healthier lifestyle, so that they can support you as you make small changes.  And when things don’t go perfectly, they can be there for you to encourage you to keep going.  They’re not always going to know what you need, so you need to ask.  Other forms of support can include fitness groups, online support groups, or professional support in the form of a personal trainer, nutritionist, wellness coach, or therapist.

Also be aware of what your emotional, mental and spiritual environment looks like. If you live with a lot of negativity, whether from those around you or from yourself (those inner critics never stop, do they?), try to include more positive influences in your life.  These can include reading inspirational books or articles, starting a gratitude journal, listening to motivational audio books or music that relaxes you, or meditating.

Remember, if you treat the water, the fish WILL get better.

Hey, where’d my craving go?

Although I wasn’t much impressed by last week’s episode of “I Can Make You Thin,” this week’s episode was much better. Paul McKenna taught a technique that can be used whenever an intense craving hits.  Although I can’t speak for the scientific merit of this technique, nor do whether its effectiveness has been studied, it definitely makes a lot more sense than tapping random spots on your body.

The technique basically consists of “spoiling” the object of your craving (chocolate, chips, pizza, etc.) by imagining it covered in something absolutely disgusting (maggots, worms, insects, mold, vomit, poop, whatever it takes!). Studies have shown that our cravings are powerfully driven by mental images - think of a time you passed by an advertising for one of your favourite foods.  That image probably stayed in your mind all day, creating a craving that wouldn’t go away until you satisfied it.  It seems that it’s actually the image of the food that is the basis for the craving, whether we are aware that we are picturing it or not.  If vividly imagining the food, smells, taste, texture and all, can fuel the urge to eat it, then it stands to reason that “spoiling” it with something equally horrible can create an aversion for that same food.

Here’s how it works: with the thumb and middle finger of your left hand pressed together, take a few minutes to conjure up an image of something you absolutely despise (e.g., liver, anchovies, cow brains).  If there’s nothing you won’t eat, then go into the non-food realm: vomit, diarrhea, mashed up insects, etc.  Imagine it with as much vivid detail as possible, including the way it smells.  You need to be completely and utterly disgusted, to the point of nausea.  Now imagine the food you’re currently craving being mixed in.  Oh, and sprinkle some barbershop hair and spit on top.  Mmmmm.... yummy.  Now go ahead and take a bite… go on, taste it.  Imagine the way it would taste and feel in your mouth.  You might actually start gagging at this point; that’s a good thing.  Keep pressing your left thumb and middle finger together - and hold the thought as long as you can. 

The idea is to create an association between your finger position and the feeling of disgust. Practice this exercise often to maximize the power of the technique.  The next time a craving hits, you can press your fingers together to draw out the feeling of disgust.  Use your imagination if necessary.  The beauty of this technique is that it can be used anywhere, anytime.  I tried it last night as I was watching the show, and good lord, I had no idea I could imagine such horribly disgusting things - I actually felt nauseous at the thought of any food, never mind yummy food, after I was through.  I’m definitely going to be giving it a try this week - I’ll let you know how it goes. 

What about the right hand, you ask? Good question.  The same power of imagery can be used to summon powerfully positive feelings.  Press the middle finger and thumb of the right hand together and think back to a time you felt incredibly good - falling in love, winning an award, being at total peace with the world.  Anything that has a significant meaning for you.  Imagine that time in as much vivid detail as possible.  Continue pressing your fingers together, and practice as much as you can.  You can press the fingers of the right hand together any time you need a mood boost: when you’re tired and cranky, when you need some motivation to go for a workout, or whenever you’re feeling emotional and fighting the urge to eat some comfort food. 

If anybody tries this out, I’d love to hear back from you. You can leave me a comment at the end of this post - I’m curious to see if it works for anyone.  Good luck!

Tapping your way out of emotional eating: Fact or fiction?

I’ve got two words to describe Sunday night’s episode of “I Can Make You Thin:” not impressed. Although McKenna did a pretty good job of explaining why people use emotional eating to cope with their feelings, the whole episode had an infomercial feel to it.  It had a high fluff to content ratio, with lots of testimonials and recaps from the last episode. 

The worst bit: his tapping technique. When I first learned that he would be demonstrating this technique during this episode, I was immediately skeptical but decided to try and be scientific about it and give it a fair chance.  But it just seemed so silly, not to mention hard to remember how to follow (tap here, tap there, hum this, look here, etc.).  I came across a great blog post where the author did some research and found some unsavoury information about the man who developed this technique: again, not impressed.  I suppose it might be helpful for some people, if they can manage to remember how to do it, but my feeling is that it works mainly by distraction.  In fact, it reminds me a lot of a highly controversial technique developed for treating trauma called “Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing” (EMDR).  Although some studies have found it to be effective, the general criticism levied against it is that is uses the usual process of treating trauma, but adds in the repetitive eye movements as a form of distraction from the high levels of emotions that arise.  It seems to me this tapping technique works in a very similar way.

Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing inherently wrong with distracting yourself. If you’ve got the urge to eat when you’re emotional, and you decide to distract yourself by turning on the TV, listening to music or checking your email, then that’s a lot better then giving in to the urge.  However, in the long run, distracting yourself every time isn’t going to help you solve the problem that got you feeling emotional in the first place.  Plus, you’d end up spending a whole lot of time being distracted instead of really living.  The best strategy is to deal with that problem directly, and to use coping skills that can help you deal with the overwhelming emotions when they happen.  There are lots of things you can do to cope instead of distract yourself: take a bubble bath, go for a walk, call a friend, express your needs, write in your journal, practice mindfulness technique, and lots more.  Therapy is a great way to help you learn these coping skills that you can rely on again and again, and will help you need them less and less over time.

Can TV make you thin?

Last night a new show on TLC premiered called “I Can Make You Thin”. Although the title is a little too sensationalist, and the host, Paul McKenna, a little too showbizzy for my taste, I think this show is a welcome change from your usual weight loss TV programming.  Shows like “The Biggest Loser” and “Last 10 Pounds Bootcamp” are demeaning and mostly counter to what I believe constitutes a healthy lifestyle.  This show, on the other hand, doesn’t focus on militant dieting and exercise, but rather follows some of the basic principles of intuitive eating.

In this first episode, McKenna outlines what he calls the Four Golden Rules:

1) When you’re hungry, EAT: a revolutionary concept, I know.  But so many diets disconnect us from our own hunger signals, saying we should only eat at prescribed times.  This has two unfortunate consequences: either you starve yourself between meals, setting you up for a binge later on, or if you do eat between meals, you feel guilty for it.  In the end, the result is the same: you’re not listening to your body.  But if you start tuning into your own hunger signals, and actually give yourself permission to eat when you’re hungry, you’ll end the cycle of deprivation and guilt.  Check out the Hunger Scale I have posted in my Resources section to help you decide when you should eat.

2) Eat what you want, not what you think you should: another pitfall of dieting is you’re forced to eat certain things, instead of paying attention to what your body is telling you it wants.  I know, if you give yourself permission to eat what you want, you’ll live on nothing but pizza and ice cream.  Well, maybe for a while, but once you implement Rule #3, you might be surprised (do Twinkies really taste as good as a lovely chocolatine?).  By labelling certain foods as “bad” or “wrong” or “forbidden,” all you’re doing is making them seem more attractive.  If everything is permissible, then everything is equally attractive.

3) Eat consciously: this is by far my favourite rule.  When you’re about eat, sit down, take a deep breath and become conscious of the food you’re about to consume.  And as you eat it, take one bite, put your fork down, and chew it slowly and carefully.  Make a meditation out of it.  Turn off the TV, get rid of the newspaper, stay away from the computer and pay attention to your food and only your food.  Savour every bite, and go to almost theatrical extremes to enjoy it.  Don’t pick up your fork again until you’ve swallowed your last bite (this works wonders, believe me).  By doing that, not only are you actually enjoying your food more, it will take less to satisfy you.  Which brings me to the last rule…

4) When you think you’re full, STOP eating: this is a tough one for the clean-your-plate club.  But remember, it’s better to let the food go to waste than go to your waist.  Or you can always eat it later.  When you aren’t used to listening to your body it can be difficult to know when you’re full.  Try closing your eyes every so often and tuning into what your body is telling you.  The Hunger Scale can come in handy here again.  If you’re still not sure, stop anyway.  And if you’re hungry 10 minutes later, eat!

Tune into TLC on Sunday nights at 9:00 to watch the rest of the series.