The power of positive affirmations

Although some of you may have heard of positive affirmations, you may not be sure exactly what they are or what they can do for you.  In a nutshell, they can be an extremely powerful tool to challenge and overcome the negative beliefs that hold you back.  In this article, I explain what positive affirmations are, why they can help you, and how to implement them in a simple 3-step plan.

How Negative Beliefs Limit You

I’d like you think about an area in your life that you are struggling with.  Perhaps you’ve been unable to progress in your career, or have been trying to lose the same 10 pounds (or more) for the last several years.  It is very likely that part of what’s holding you back is a belief system that limits you.  For example, perhaps deeps down inside you believe that you don’t deserve that promotion, or that you deserve to be thinner.

The tricky thing with negative beliefs is that we are often unaware that we have them. And because they are outside of our conscious awareness, they become all the more dangerous, sneaking their way into our thoughts.  If you truly believe that you do not deserve to be happy or healthy, then you will unwittingly sabotage yourself each time you are faced with a new opportunity for growth.  Those who have tried to diet and failed many times over know how true this can be; each new attempt to lose weight results in frustration and hopelessness.

Negative beliefs work their dark magic in three ways. First, they do not allow you to progress beyond their upper limits.  You can only be as happy or healthy as your beliefs will allow you, not more.  Second, they attract people and situations that confirm them.  If you believe that you have no control over food, then each time you overeat will simply be a confirmation of that truth.  You will also attract people who reinforce your identity as an overweight person.  Third, they lead you to discount situations or behaviours that are incompatible with the negative belief.  If you manage to lose five pounds, you’ll tell yourself it’s only a matter of time until you gain them back.

The beliefs that we hold create our realities. Therefore, to change your reality you must change your beliefs.  Positive affirmations help us to just that.

How Positive Affirmations Work

A positive affirmation is an expression of your deepest desire. It is oriented towards producing an external reality that reflects your dreams, wishes and goals.  They are designed to challenge the beliefs that limit you.

Remember having to write lines on the blackboard in elementary school when you got in trouble? (I, of course, was a perfectly behaved child so I know nothing of this.) That’s exactly how positive affirmations work.  It’s likely that your negative beliefs, wherever they came from (messages given to us by others, hard lessons we learned in life, etc.), have been repeated unconsciously over and over for years.  And to replace them, new beliefs must be repeated over and over until they become just as deeply rooted.

The beauty of positive affirmations is that they can help you uncover negative beliefs you didn’t even know you had. And until they become conscious, you can’t challenge and overcome them.  You’ll see what I mean in Step 2 below.

Putting Positive Affirmations Into Action*

Be sure to put aside at least 15 minutes for this exercise.  Go somewhere quiet where you won’t be disturbed.  You’ll need to be able to concentrate fully.

1. The first step in your positive affirmation exercise is to create the affirmation itself.  The affirmation should be about the one thing that you need in your life that you are struggling to achieve.  Some examples:

* “I am the happiest and healthiest I’ve ever been.”
* “I am bounding with energy to achieve the goals I have set for myself.”
* “I have the skills and the motivation to move up in my career.”
* “I create a relationship that fulfills and nourishes me.”

Here are some guidelines to help you create an effective affirmation:

* Use positive language ("I am slim,” not “I’m not fat")
* Use the present tense ("I am slim” not “I will be slim")
* Focus on changes in yourself, not others
* It should force you out of your comfort zone, and be slightly on the unbelievable side ("I am bounding with energy” not “I have enough energy")
* Keep it short

2. Next, pull out a piece of paper and divide it into two columns. On the left hand side, write out your positive affirmation over and over, line by line.  Concentrate fully on what you are doing.  Start listening very carefully to the little voices that pop up.  At first, you may not notice them, but you might be surprised at what comes up.  They’ll usually be saying something like, “I can’t,” “I don’t want to,” “I’ll never,” “Yes, but.” Don’t react to these voices, just observe them and write them down in the right hand column as they come up.  Continue writing out your affirmation until the page is full.

3. The third step involves challenging your negative beliefs. Turn your page over and again, divide it in two.  One by one, write out the negative beliefs that came up and deal with them using the 3 R’s:

* Refute them: be objective and try to find evidence that is counter to the belief.  For example, if “I’m too lazy to lose weight” comes up, look for other goals in your life that you aren’t too lazy to achieve.
* Replace them: write out the opposite, positive statement.  For example, “I don’t deserve to be thin” becomes “I, just like everyone else, deserve to be thin.”
* Run through them: by repeating the positive affirmation over and over, eventually your mind will get tired of protesting.

Do this exercise daily for 30 days and watch what happens. You might start noticing changes almost immediately, but to get the full effect, you must give it time and be consistent.  This really does work, but if you find it difficult to get in touch with your limiting beliefs or uncover beliefs that are disturbing to you, you may want to consider reaching out to someone that can help.

* This exercise has been adapted from Lynne Grodzki’s “Building Your Ideal Private Practice.”

What a diet really is

In my book, a diet is anything that tells you what, when or how much to eat, no matter how sensible. It is based on something external.  It is not based on what your body is telling you it wants or needs.  Don’t be fooled by weight loss programs that claim not to be diets - if it tells you to do anything other than trust your instincts, it’s a diet.

If I lose the weight, I’ll be happy

I read a nice little post today by Oprah’s personal trainer, Bob Greene: http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/200708/omag_200708_worry_101.jhtml

In it, he describes the familiar pattern that a lot of people who struggle with their weight get sucked into: “If only I could lose X pounds, I’d be happier.” Think about whether you’ve ever had this thought, consciously or subconsciously.  If so, does it help motivate you?  Or does the fear of actually losing the weight and then not being happy hold you back?  What can you do today to actually be happier, whether or not you actually lose the weight?

“Diet” is a four-letter word

I recently started reading “Intuitive Eating” by Evelyne Tribole and Elyse Resch. In it, they list the multiple reasons that dieting doesn’t work.  They discuss how we have become a nation obsessed with dieting, weight and body image concerns.  While this is nothing new, they do make the point that all this talk of dieting is contributing to our weight problems by overemphasizing the what we “should” be eating instead of learning to listen to our body’s own hunger signals.

This reminded me of another book I read recently, “French Women Don’t Get Fat” where author Mireille Guiliano states that American women are obsessed with dieting and talking about their own weight problems. She says that in France, it is considered tacky and impolite to discuss such matters in front of others, except with your doctor if health is an issue.  I found that so refreshing, because it seems that whenever women get together, half the conversation is focused on how fat they’ve been feeling lately, what they shouldn’t be eating but will “indulge” themselves with this time, what they’ve been doing to lose weight, how it’s been working/not working.  Phew!  Talk about exhausting.

Next time you’re out with friends or family I dare you to completely refuse to talk about dieting, the “evils” of food, your body, or your exercise routine (or lack thereof). Don’t say anything self-deprecating (I look terrible in these jeans!), don’t comment on your conflicted feelings about your food (I shouldn’t be eating this but it tastes so good!) or how full you feel.  And if anyone else gets started, politely excuse yourself from engaging in the conversation by saying something along the lines of, “I would prefer to discuss something else if you don’t mind.” They’ll get the hint. 

The real definition of conscious eating

There’s a lot of buzz these days about conscious (or mindful) eating. This usually refers to being fully present and conscious while you are eating, paying attention to the taste and texture, as well to your body’s fullness signals.  A very important part of having a healthy relationship with food.

But how conscious are we really of what we’re eating? My mom sent me an email today warning against buying chicken from China (http://www.snopes.com/photos/food/chinachicken.asp), and while the jury is still out on the validity of these claims, it does raise some interesting questions.

When picking out your produce or animal protein, do you ever ask yourself:
* What were the conditions in which the animal lived?
* How was the animal killed, and under what kind of conditions?
* What kinds of chemicals was the food exposed to (fertilizers, pesticides, hormones, toxins in the earth/ocean/food chain)?
* Where was this food grown?
* Were there enough nutrients in the soil in which the food was grown?
* How was the food harvested?
* Was it ripe when it was harvested?
* How far did the food have to travel before getting to your supermarket, and under what conditions?

Food for thought, indeed.

Dr. Randy Pausch’s last lecture: A lesson in living

I just saw the most moving video on Oprah. It features a middle-aged professor at Carnegie Mellon University who is dying of pancreatic cancer.  He is married and has 3 young children.  He delivered his “last lecture” to a packed auditorium last September, and gave the presentation again on Oprah’s stage today. 

This video is utterly moving, and really forces you think about how you would live your life if you knew you were dying.  (Truth is, we’re all dying, we just don’t know how or when.)

Is laughter really the best medicine?

Experts Take the Benefits of Laughter Seriously

• Laughter decreases the amount of stress hormones in the body and increases the activity of natural killer cells that go after tumour cells.

By finding a way to laugh more, the natural chemicals in your brain that regulate mood will help even out your emotions, thus boosting your resistance to overeating on a physiological level too.

Try organizing a social event that centres on humour. Visit a local comedy club, go see a funny movie, or host a game night featuring fun board games like “Cranium” or “Twister.” Not only will this be good for you, but you can pass on the benefits to the people you care about, strengthening bonds and breaking the usual monotony of dinner and drinks.